What Is a Double Standard in Relationships? (Signs & How to Deal With It)
You’ve heard it before.
“You’re overreacting.”
“Why are you so emotional?”
“But when I did it, it wasn’t a big deal.”
GANG, this is what a double standard sounds like and it’s one of the most toxic dynamics that hides in plain sight.
It’s not always loud.
Sometimes it’s quiet manipulation disguised as “logic.”
Sometimes it’s emotional rules that only apply to you, not them.
Let’s break this all the way down.
WHAT IS A DOUBLE STANDARD IN RELATIONSHIPS?
A double standard is when one person expects behavior, loyalty, communication, or grace from you — but doesn’t hold themselves to the same level.
It’s “you’re not allowed to do this, but I am.”
It’s “you need to be understanding, but I get to be avoidant.”
And here’s the worst part:
➝ The more you love them, the more you try to justify it.
➝ You think being patient will earn their change.
➝ You think being quiet will keep the peace.
But all it does is normalize imbalance.
COMMON SIGNS OF DOUBLE STANDARDS
They expect emotional availability, but shut down when you open up
They want forgiveness, but never offer apologies
Your needs are “too much,” but their needs are “valid”
They demand loyalty, but flirt with boundaries
They use your past against you, but expect you to forget theirs
Let’s be clear — love should never be a power imbalance disguised as partnership.
HOW TO DEAL WITH DOUBLE STANDARDS IN A RELATIONSHIP
STEP 1: STOP GASLIGHTING YOURSELF
Just because they’re calm when they say it doesn’t mean it’s not manipulation.
If you keep walking away from conversations feeling confused, blamed, or like everything’s your fault — pause. You’re not too sensitive. You’re seeing the truth.
STEP 2: CALL OUT THE PATTERN CLEARLY
Say it directly.
“When I do this, it’s a problem. But when you do it, it’s okay. That’s not fair.”
Bring the double standard to light without softening it. People only fix what they’re forced to see.
STEP 3: SET NON-NEGOTIABLE BOUNDARIES
If they keep doing it? That’s not miscommunication — that’s a choice.
Set the boundary. Decide what you will and won’t tolerate.
And if your self-respect becomes “too much” for them, they were never in it to grow with you.
STEP 4: KNOW WHEN TO WALK
If the pattern continues, no explanation is needed.
You’re not walking away from love. Instead, you’re walking away from disrespect dressed up as love.
DOUBLE STANDARDS DON’T GET FIXED BY STAYING QUIET
Silence won’t save the relationship.
Self-sacrifice won’t build mutual respect.
If they only love you when it’s easy for them and punish you when you ask for the same energy back, that’s not a partner. That’s a taker.
JCGANG, relationships are built on reciprocity — not rules that only apply to you.
The moment you stop accepting double standards is the moment you reclaim your voice.
Call it out. Set the line.
And if they won’t rise to meet you — leave them where they’re comfortable.
And that’s on Jenny Fucking Chang.